[ squeaaak, the plush is squished under him completely as Nagisa rolls over onto his back and then wriggles to dislodge it from pressing into his tailbone. ]
Dad used to say that was a good cure for bad dreams. I don't really think it's the same with stuffed animals. [ obviously, since all the stuffed sea animals in holly heights haven't fixed it. ] I'd like it—if you did that.
[ he received one of his first hugs that wasn't from his family with Nagisa, and the proximity he was used to with him was ... different than the other boys of Iwatobi. it wasn't Makoto's warm, welcoming hand or fitting comfortably by his side, and it wasn't the force of Rin draping himself over Haru or teasing touches. the way Nagisa would wrap his arms around Haru and press in close wasn't something he feigned to fight or surrender to -- he allowed it and did what he thought Nagisa needed him to do in those situations: be a rock for him. it was perfunctory.
Haru nods, moving in closer and pushes a nudges a couple of plushies out of the way. he brings his knees up to his chest once he's settled in right beside him, wondering how to approach ... this. does he lay beside him? Nagisa often preferred to sleep by him, so it wouldn't be the first time. ]
We could talk about something to distract you. [ until you fall asleep. and by that, he means Nagisa can talk and Haru will mostly listen, but try to give feedback. try. ]
[ Nagisa reacts to this as if it's normal, so fully at ease when close to his friends that he would never even think to bat an eye about it. It's not about naivety, or being oblivious, it's just that proximity with his friends has always been a constant—and none moreso than Haru, thus far—and no amount of distance or time apart has or ever will change that. He turns somewhat in Haru's direction when he moves closer, resting against his legs, using the stuffed animal he'd dislodged from under him as a pillow. ]
A distracting topic... umm...
[ Mentally, he shuffles through various subjects. Most are questions, most seem to create a negative loop in which he winds up back at his core issue, the one that keeps him up at night. How do you like Holly Heights so far, What do you think of our mom, Isn't it great that we're all here together, What fun things should we do tomorrow? In all, it only provokes him into worrying that this is all incredibly transient. Why even talk about it at all.
Clearly, he needs a few more minutes of being awake before his brain starts functioning again. When it's still in sleep mode, he can't generate the positivity that typically serves as fuel for him in his waking hours. ]
Eh... well...
[ Think. ]
Did you know that... in ancient times, um, around the fifteenth century, there was a Korean war ship called a Geobukseon that looked like a turtle? There was a turtle head carved in the front, and the open mouth was actually a canon that could shoot flames. And then the inside was covered by a hard shell to protect the sailors. That's why they called them turtle ships.
[ if Nagisa takes his eyes off of Haru for a second, he'll always seem just a bit closer. like those cat videos where the camera pans away and focuses back and the cat is suddenly closer. that is happening right now.
with a light unfurrowing of his brow, his expression turns from confusion to attentiveness and interest as Nagisa speaks. he's always paid attention in history class, but he'd never heard trivia like that before. ]
Is that true? [ what era was this? he's so intrigued ... good job in distracting him probably more than you've distracted yourself, Nagisa... ]
Turtles never seem that aggressive. I wonder why that was chosen.
Maybe they were supposed to be snapping turtles. If you've ever been bitten by one, that's reason enough to make them a warship to me...
[ Nagisa hardly notices, but he reacts unconsciously like he does. He wriggles his way up along the bed like a worm with his arms and legs tucked up against him. Maybe more like a pillbug than a worm. A pillbug that's squished up against Haru's side as imposingly as possible. ]
Since there weren't any motors or anything back then, of course, they had slots that oars stuck out on the side, for rowing. It kinda looked like a bunch of legs. But unfortunately, even with the protective shell, they were susceptible to canon fire. So they weren't great weapons, especially not when you compare it to stuff like Spanish war galleons and demolition ships and stuff.
[ well, being a huge nerd is distracting enough, and it's... semi-water related? ]
[ once their sides make contact, Haru naturally stills to adjust. it's nothing new to him, but it's always disarming in a way. Nagisa wasn't anyone he felt afraid of being vulnerable with, and yet he felt as if he had to tread this interaction carefully. even when it was on him to do the comforting, he felt like it was difficult to meet his friend halfway. maybe it was because Nagisa never did anything halfway, really. ]
Snapping turtles ... [ that breathe fire. that's something he'll draw the next time he's bored of drawing his friends gayly posing together. ]
Stupid. If they were still vulnerable, then why did they have that design? [ he never understood flashiness. that was more of Rin's and Rei's forte -- that dramatic flair at least had something behind it in each case. ]
For show. Well, and the idea was to prevent the enemy from boarding, but it wasn't an issue when they could just blast the top off...
[ A halfhearted sigh. He'd like to hop an ancient turtle warship right about now. Well, maybe not right now. After all, when's the last time he got to be up in Haru's business, other than this morning? It seems like a hundred years since they were both back home at the same time, and it feels like forever since he cared about that kind of thing, anyway.
even the nerd rage isn't enough to sustain him for very long this time, and he butts his head into the side of Haru's arm. ]
Do you think if you shake me hard enough all the stuff that's bugging me will fall out of my brain?
[ he was finally at a point where he could admit that he liked those weird head-nudges, and in response he curls his forearm up against his own chest, unsure of what to do with it for now. he stares ahead at the adjacent wall, quiet and mulling over what he could say. truth be told, he was worried. it's not like he could just suggest swimming. it obviously wasn't taking that away. ]
No. [ he shakes his head, but it's more of a refusal to ... shake Nagisa. finally, he decides to lift his arm a bit, resting his hand atop of Nagisa's head. the way his touch smooths over is less of a pet and more of a search -- as if there was really something tangible plaguing him within that could be extracted. ]
[ like an insistent animal, he pushes his head up against Haru's hand, but for a moment he just stays still that way for a moment. he could say more than that, but he doesn't, thinking and rethinking and then letting his head slump down again, working his way under the crook of Haru's arm. ]
[ Haru was both not the type to press for someone to go further than what they were comfortable with, but also not the type to give inspiring speeches. he was, however, very straight forward about these things when he felt something was necessary to say. ]
I was too. [ for a long time, and he still is. but those are things that no one is asking him to divulge, and he's not quite sure what Nagisa is afraid of. was it loss? either way, he can only relate as vaguely as possible. ]
... You aren't alone right now. [ because what helped him was knowing he wasn't alone and also feeling it. it's what he still turns to when he worries about the transient nature of their lives, when he worries about what will happen after graduation. ]
[ but later, who can say. he knows it's stupid to worry about the what ifs, and things you can't change, and always has known that. deep down, honestly, he's already accepted that it is what it is, and things are going to happen and all there is to do is deal with them, but it's something more than that.
it's what he was seeking reassurance for when he challenged Rin to a race he couldn't win, and when he encourages people with problems much heavier than he is to lean on him. in feeling like he has no control, he doesn't feel like he can help, and it's a problem. ]
It just makes me feel better knowing that you're not alone, Haru-chan. You, and mom, and the rest of the team... that's what's most important.
[ he feels so bad at this. he can only try and recall the first time they met, and how easy it was to get Nagisa to truly smile. soon after, he couldn't help but feel his cheeks burn whenever Nagisa would follow him around everywhere he went or openly declare his admiration and desire for emulation. the memory draws him closer as he recalls the embrace, body moving only an inchor so in, but enough to basically nestle. ]
Something like that is meaningless unless you feel good, too.
[ Haru looks over to him ........................... luckily they're not on eye level. ]
You don't have to say it if you want to keep it inside. [ his hand drops from Nagisa's head and rests lazily behind his back, burrowed beneath the pillow now. it's nice and cold beneath there. ] Only when I'm with you, I don't think ever think about bad things. They don't ever come to mind.
[ he remembers that day all the time. the day he met all his friends, and how they all gave him a real purpose. if he'd only started swimming just to swim, thinking it would "toughen him up," he would've quit years and years ago. he got something a lot more important out of it.
somewhat like that day, he reels back from being upset and goes through a brief few seconds of surprise and confusion before he smiles. every time, it's just exactly what he needs to hear. ]
Haru-chan... that makes me so happy!
[ kicking down the last defense of personal space, he throws one arm across Haru's middle and faceplants somewhere in the region of his chest and armpit. ]
If that's really true, then I'd never have to have bad dreams again!
Haru places his free hand on his side, getting as close to returning the embrace as possible. but not... quite. because haruka.
he can't help but feel a warmth blossom in his chest, and a burgeoning sense of accomplishment hits him. he wasn't ever going to be as good at this as Makoto was, but any small way he could repay his friends mattered.
his voice stays low, almost unexpressive. ]
When you do, just come to my bed. [ it's such a simple offer, but it's not like they haven't been sleeping together for some time. he never minds. there was still the challenge of actually getting Nagisa to go to sleep. ]
With no warning? You won't punch me if I surprise you?
[ could haru be a sleep puncher? he peeks up curiously. the guy's pretty much dead to the world when he's asleep, as far as he's been able to tell since they started living together—not like he ever stayed up awake at night watching him or anything. definitely not. what is he, Makoto or something. ]
[ his expression goes taut as he huffs, looking down as much as he can at Nagisa's hair and then away quickly. well, he wasn't thinking of how opportunistic Nagisa would be with that. unless those nightmares really were every night ... still, his friend was the scheming type. feigned iciness ahoy. ]
Wahh... I'll just have to hold your arms down first!
[ slowly... sitting up... if you detect a hint of danger in his eye it's because he's about to pull some shit. probably throw him across the room now. ]
Nagisa! [ he knows exactly what's coming almost right away, and is already in protest mode -- but his body, alas, is too corpse-like to get into too much of a defensive position. he's too vulnerable too fast. ]
[ he is simply the worst for using the tickle tactic on. even knowing this, he always fails to resist. eventually he lets up and rolls back to exactly where he was, grinning but otherwise reduced once again to being a limpet attached to his side.
maybe not exactly, he catches one of Haru's legs between his knees, too. ]
[ Haru doesn't mind the proximity or leg entanglement. he's just glad the tickling nightmare is over. he really hates it, because it's like he's possessed when it's happening.
he shifts to get more comfortable, wondering if he should turn towards or away from Nagisa. his natural instinct is to turn on his side and away from him, but if he does that he'll fall asleep too quickly, and he wants to keep nagisa company until his eyes are shut. ]
[ that is still way too old for peeing the bed........... but whatever.
now that that's all out of his system, and he's even gotten a little roughhousing in, he's as sedate as can be, other than the occasional wriggle until he's decidedly comfortable. it's hard for him to sleep without his arms around something, so grasping onto Haru and the pillow above their heads will have to do. whatever, he doesn't even care right now. he is enjoying the Sweet Smell Of The Ocean. ]
[ he would point that out, but he's sure his sisters gave him enough trouble for it. he wouldn't want to spark up a traumatic peepants memory...
Haru doesn't even tense against the grab. he's used to personal space disappearing around Nagisa -- it was just something that happened. he wasn't sure what strategies Nagisa took that made him so compliant towards the affection when he'd stiffen up and bristle were it anybody else, but he's sure Nagisa got it from a war book.
he turns just a bit on his side, within Nagisa's grasp, but doesn't make a move to actually get away from him. ]
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Dad used to say that was a good cure for bad dreams. I don't really think it's the same with stuffed animals. [ obviously, since all the stuffed sea animals in holly heights haven't fixed it. ] I'd like it—if you did that.
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Haru nods, moving in closer and pushes a nudges a couple of plushies out of the way. he brings his knees up to his chest once he's settled in right beside him, wondering how to approach ... this. does he lay beside him? Nagisa often preferred to sleep by him, so it wouldn't be the first time. ]
We could talk about something to distract you. [ until you fall asleep. and by that, he means Nagisa can talk and Haru will mostly listen, but try to give feedback. try. ]
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A distracting topic... umm...
[ Mentally, he shuffles through various subjects. Most are questions, most seem to create a negative loop in which he winds up back at his core issue, the one that keeps him up at night. How do you like Holly Heights so far, What do you think of our mom, Isn't it great that we're all here together, What fun things should we do tomorrow? In all, it only provokes him into worrying that this is all incredibly transient. Why even talk about it at all.
Clearly, he needs a few more minutes of being awake before his brain starts functioning again. When it's still in sleep mode, he can't generate the positivity that typically serves as fuel for him in his waking hours. ]
Eh... well...
[ Think. ]
Did you know that... in ancient times, um, around the fifteenth century, there was a Korean war ship called a Geobukseon that looked like a turtle? There was a turtle head carved in the front, and the open mouth was actually a canon that could shoot flames. And then the inside was covered by a hard shell to protect the sailors. That's why they called them turtle ships.
[ nailed it. ]
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with a light unfurrowing of his brow, his expression turns from confusion to attentiveness and interest as Nagisa speaks. he's always paid attention in history class, but he'd never heard trivia like that before. ]
Is that true? [ what era was this? he's so intrigued ... good job in distracting him probably more than you've distracted yourself, Nagisa... ]
Turtles never seem that aggressive. I wonder why that was chosen.
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[ Nagisa hardly notices, but he reacts unconsciously like he does. He wriggles his way up along the bed like a worm with his arms and legs tucked up against him. Maybe more like a pillbug than a worm. A pillbug that's squished up against Haru's side as imposingly as possible. ]
Since there weren't any motors or anything back then, of course, they had slots that oars stuck out on the side, for rowing. It kinda looked like a bunch of legs. But unfortunately, even with the protective shell, they were susceptible to canon fire. So they weren't great weapons, especially not when you compare it to stuff like Spanish war galleons and demolition ships and stuff.
[ well, being a huge nerd is distracting enough, and it's... semi-water related? ]
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Snapping turtles ... [ that breathe fire. that's something he'll draw the next time he's bored of drawing his friends gayly posing together. ]
Stupid. If they were still vulnerable, then why did they have that design? [ he never understood flashiness. that was more of Rin's and Rei's forte -- that dramatic flair at least had something behind it in each case. ]
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[ A halfhearted sigh. He'd like to hop an ancient turtle warship right about now. Well, maybe not right now. After all, when's the last time he got to be up in Haru's business, other than this morning? It seems like a hundred years since they were both back home at the same time, and it feels like forever since he cared about that kind of thing, anyway.
even the nerd rage isn't enough to sustain him for very long this time, and he butts his head into the side of Haru's arm. ]
Do you think if you shake me hard enough all the stuff that's bugging me will fall out of my brain?
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No. [ he shakes his head, but it's more of a refusal to ... shake Nagisa. finally, he decides to lift his arm a bit, resting his hand atop of Nagisa's head. the way his touch smooths over is less of a pet and more of a search -- as if there was really something tangible plaguing him within that could be extracted. ]
You're afraid, right?
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[ like an insistent animal, he pushes his head up against Haru's hand, but for a moment he just stays still that way for a moment. he could say more than that, but he doesn't, thinking and rethinking and then letting his head slump down again, working his way under the crook of Haru's arm. ]
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I was too. [ for a long time, and he still is. but those are things that no one is asking him to divulge, and he's not quite sure what Nagisa is afraid of. was it loss? either way, he can only relate as vaguely as possible. ]
... You aren't alone right now. [ because what helped him was knowing he wasn't alone and also feeling it. it's what he still turns to when he worries about the transient nature of their lives, when he worries about what will happen after graduation. ]
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[ but later, who can say. he knows it's stupid to worry about the what ifs, and things you can't change, and always has known that. deep down, honestly, he's already accepted that it is what it is, and things are going to happen and all there is to do is deal with them, but it's something more than that.
it's what he was seeking reassurance for when he challenged Rin to a race he couldn't win, and when he encourages people with problems much heavier than he is to lean on him. in feeling like he has no control, he doesn't feel like he can help, and it's a problem. ]
It just makes me feel better knowing that you're not alone, Haru-chan. You, and mom, and the rest of the team... that's what's most important.
shakes nagisa to death
Something like that is meaningless unless you feel good, too.
[ Haru looks over to him ........................... luckily they're not on eye level. ]
You don't have to say it if you want to keep it inside. [ his hand drops from Nagisa's head and rests lazily behind his back, burrowed beneath the pillow now. it's nice and cold beneath there. ] Only when I'm with you, I don't think ever think about bad things. They don't ever come to mind.
[ sort of like water. ]
brains fall out: its all water
somewhat like that day, he reels back from being upset and goes through a brief few seconds of surprise and confusion before he smiles. every time, it's just exactly what he needs to hear. ]
Haru-chan... that makes me so happy!
[ kicking down the last defense of personal space, he throws one arm across Haru's middle and faceplants somewhere in the region of his chest and armpit. ]
If that's really true, then I'd never have to have bad dreams again!
haru drinks brains
Haru places his free hand on his side, getting as close to returning the embrace as possible. but not... quite. because haruka.
he can't help but feel a warmth blossom in his chest, and a burgeoning sense of accomplishment hits him. he wasn't ever going to be as good at this as Makoto was, but any small way he could repay his friends mattered.
his voice stays low, almost unexpressive. ]
When you do, just come to my bed. [ it's such a simple offer, but it's not like they haven't been sleeping together for some time. he never minds. there was still the challenge of actually getting Nagisa to go to sleep. ]
#zombiefree
[ could haru be a sleep puncher? he peeks up curiously. the guy's pretty much dead to the world when he's asleep, as far as he's been able to tell since they started living together—not like he ever stayed up awake at night watching him or anything. definitely not. what is he, Makoto or something. ]
why does it always come back to this...
That, I can't promise.
im sorry i cant help myself... also 1/23
[ slowly... sitting up... if you detect a hint of danger in his eye it's because he's about to pull some shit. probably throw him across the room now. ]
And then...
NO NO NO JUST 1/2 I MEAN FUCJ
[ ATTACKS HIS SIDES
see here for visual ]
THIS IS ... THE FUCKING THANKS I GET...??? 1/3
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and some stock footage of a corgi running on the shore of a beach ]
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^_^
maybe not exactly, he catches one of Haru's legs between his knees, too. ]
I knew you'd see things my way.
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he shifts to get more comfortable, wondering if he should turn towards or away from Nagisa. his natural instinct is to turn on his side and away from him, but if he does that he'll fall asleep too quickly, and he wants to keep nagisa company until his eyes are shut. ]
Mm. Just don't wet the bed ...
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[ that is still
way too old for peeing the bed...........
but whatever.
now that that's all out of his system, and he's even gotten a little roughhousing in, he's as sedate as can be, other than the occasional wriggle until he's decidedly comfortable. it's hard for him to sleep without his arms around something, so grasping onto Haru and the pillow above their heads will have to do. whatever, he doesn't even care right now. he is enjoying the Sweet Smell Of The Ocean. ]
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Haru doesn't even tense against the grab. he's used to personal space disappearing around Nagisa -- it was just something that happened. he wasn't sure what strategies Nagisa took that made him so compliant towards the affection when he'd stiffen up and bristle were it anybody else, but he's sure Nagisa got it from a war book.
he turns just a bit on his side, within Nagisa's grasp, but doesn't make a move to actually get away from him. ]
I didn't ask for that information.
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