[ he'd like to hug Rei too, but he hesitates, sitting tight on his swing and holding both the chains like if everything goes horribly wrong he can just take off and swing himself into oblivion again. it worked well when he was a child. one time his sister was picking on him at the playground and he took off swinging and kicked her right in the face. fuck you, Nana-chan. jellies are so totally still in, this imprint on your stupid face proves it.
and then he was on time out and didn't get dessert for a whole week, but still. ]
It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't text you back—I got your messages—I just wanted to think first before I said anything.
[ anything horrendously stupid, that is. he decides to bypass telling him about his pow-wow with Rin, because they have a bad bitchez code of silence and also because this came directly after "DON'T TELL ANYONE," anyway. he also leaves the part out where he's supposed to report back with good news. ]
Um, so... d'you want to maybe sit down? We kinda have a lot to talk about.
[ gesturing toward the swing next to him. no not the one with the baby chair on it. ]
[ Rei waved his hand, shaking his head, since he didn't mind that Nagisa hadn't text back now since he knew he was fine, and really that's all that mattered to him even though he always worried when his friend didn't text back. ]
What matters is that you did message me back, so don't worry, Nagisa-kun! It's totally understandable since I needed to think some more as well.
[ He smiled at him, honestly not suspecting that Nagisa had talked to Rin, and he would probably bring up that he went to talk to Makoto since he would definitely classify it as "needing advice about something he had no information about and needed to learn more about apparently."
He sat down in the swing next to him, nodding, even though the nerves were getting the best of him. Rei didn't know where to start! He should have prepared notes for this--though Makoto was right, he just needed to be honest with Nagisa....but notes would have made him feel better, definitely. He was very clueless on this subject, after all, and still wasn't sure how to properly explain his feelings anyway. ]
Indeed we do, but firstly I would like to apologize if I said anything strange that made you feel uncomfortable. I did send quite a few messages since I was worried about you not replying, thinking I must have upset you.
Mm, no, not at all! That's not it at all. If I was freaked out at all, it's only because I was so surprised! I never thought you would say something like that, it completely threw me for a loop... haha. I'd usually laugh that kind of thing off, but I don't really feel like joking about that kind of thing, er, at the moment...
[ maybe he really is growing up Matsuoka—he feels better not having to look directly at Rei while he talks through his thoughts, jumbled and senseless as they are. he'll get around to deep and unbroken eye contact when the moment is right for it, but his head is still buzzing with all kinds of things, how is he supposed to focus? being honest has always been exciting, because you're showing someone something inside of you without holding back at all—if he could ever describe what "free!" means to him, that would probably be a close contender. but then there's doubt and worry and insecurity, all those things that make the humming of happy nerves become jarring. ]
You really meant that, right? What you said—because I-I mean, if you were only saying that because I said too much and you didn't want me to feel weird, I'll understand!
I understand, since I even surprised myself, really.
[ It's surprising that Nagisa doesn't want to joke about anything though, which shows Rei just how serious this conversation is, and he's not sure if that makes him happy or scared--probably both. He did also find it a bit hard to look over at Nagisa given the angle, but he still glanced over very often to make sure he still looked alright and happy for the most part, even if the look on his face was pretty serious, as long as it wasn't showing sadness, it was alright.
Oh gosh...he of course asked him if he meant what he said. Of course he did!!! But that was so embarrassing to admit, but he had to be honest with him. Rei had to take in a deep breath while he slowly nodded, looking so flustered and confused. ]
No, I--did mean that. I know it must be weird to you, but I am certain I meant that, since I did have to analyze my thoughts since they were quite a mess. Even now, there's a lot that I don't know. But--you really meant what you said too, right?!
[ he peeks around the chain to look at Rei then, finally, surprised all over again. I mean what was he really expecting to hear? "na bro, i was just joshing you, i don't play that way. also you're short and dumb, i'm too good for you, don't ever talk to me again, lol bye"????????? ...well, yeah, maybe something to that effect but he knows even with his worries that that's completely ridiculous and Rei would never be that mean, either. he doesn't have a mean bone in his body, unless there's long division involved.
he opens his mouth to either speak or take a deep breath but does neither, letting Rei finish and then quickly staring back down at the skid marks he'd left in the dirt beneath him again. involuntarily, he lets out a few soft, awkward giggles. that's how you know he's really nervous. he always fucking laughs when he's nervous. ]
Wow... okay. Ummm... well, yeah, I meant what I said, too. —H-Haha, it's so crazy we're even talking about this!!! The last time something like this happened, I felt so stupid and confused. I guess I'm still pretty confused, but... not about that. I really, really feel that way, and maybe I never would have said anything if it weren't for those roses, so maybe they weren't such a bad thing after all! At least I hope not!!! Hehehe...
[ OK SERIOUSLY STOP, god he hates that nervous giggle tic of his. kicking the dirt and sneaking a peek at Rei again to make sure he isn't shaking his head in disgust at how lame he is........... ]
[ Rei looked over at him the minute he heard him giggle like that, automatically assuming the worst that he was laughing at him, but of course he wasn't. He knew that Nagisa did that when he got nervous, and it was pretty cute, really, so he couldn't help but smile a little, despite him being so nervous that he was sure he could pass out at any moment.
He listened to him as he went on, and he knew his heart beat was speeding up due to nerves since Nagisa confirmed, again, that he wasn't joking and really did feel that way. Okay. Okay....what was he supposed to say to all that? He adjusted his glasses entirely too many times to cover up the fact that he was blushing a bit and too nervous to function properly or even think properly. Okay, start...with discussing the roses...how he felt then. That's a start. ]
Wait--the last time something like this happened--? [ That wasn't what he was supposed to say. But he couldn't help but be curious. ]
I-I mean, alright. The roses seemed to have a weird effect on everyone. I still haven't figured out what each meant, but I am certain about one thing. I received another rose of the same color that you gave me from someone else. [ He adjusted his glasses like three times before speaking again. ]
While I had strange feelings for that person as well during this time period, they don't remain, and it wasn't quite the same. I'm...not sure if you asked me to the dance because of these weird roses, but at the dance I....[ He had to look away, he was too sweaty and clammy for this. ]
I thought that my thoughts were very clear during that time. It was like--everything I had pushed away before was becoming clear and I was certain about everything! But now that it wore off, I became confused. They're still there, but they're...harder to ignore, Nagisa-kun. I know that sounds strange, but I do hope I am making sense. I could try to find a formula for this if it would help.
[ NAH LETS NOT TALK ABOUT THE LAST TIME, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SERIOUS AND ROMANTIC(????) MOMENT. Rei will know all about the shark skeletons in Nagisa's closet... someday. also, nodding his understanding and thankfully not giggling uncontrollably for the time being. even though he is still pretty worked up. ]
I had the same thing happen to me, too. But I know what that was, when I was feeling that way about somebody because of the flowers, and I know what we—um, well, that is to say, I—e-eh, well I guess you too?—anyway, the point is, there's no formula needed because I already get the... theory.
[ lol... laughs this time and not just because he's nervous as all get out, too. it's short lived, though, with his next thought. ]
I was honestly afraid that maybe you... were just feeling confused because of the roses, you know? Like maybe you, um—this is going to sound bad—just thought since you felt that way before, and then because of what I said, that you were just going along with it? [ "settling" is the word he used with Rin, but even though he's the one who said it, it stung badly to hear it put that way. too often he feels as though people have to "settle" with him in some way or another, such as he is, and in this context that's just... too painful. so he puts it a little more delicately this time around. ] But it's not so hard to believe that you're the same as I am.
[ ... ]
That I liked you before all that, and just... do even more now, I mean.
[ Rei would enjoy hearing about that one day, really, since he does enjoy hearing anything that Nagisa has to say and wants to learn more about what happened in this place, but he does suppose that it's not the time for that. ]
Ah, it was one of the flower things too, I see! It was very strange--wait you get the theory?
[ Please explain it to him. ]
I-I mean--go ahead and continue...
[ He smiled again when he heard the other laugh, glad that this conversation seems to be going well so far, even if he's full of nerves and not sure what to say about anything. Rei's not even sure he understands himself, but as Nagisa continued, he frowned and looked over at him. Did he really think that he would just go along with something like this?! Knowing Rei, he would've probably actually laughed before just 'going along' with this since this seemed very serious to Nagisa at first, and now it's serious to him. ]
The roses did confuse me greatly, yes, but before contacting you after such events, I had to do a lot of thinking for myself. When I went to buy your Valentine's gifts, I also had been thinking a lot during that time. [ He's not sure where he's going with this at all, so he just keeps rambling. ]
I went to Makoto-senpai for advice, because I've never had a crush before, so I never understood any of this, and any time I would feel anything I would just--brush it off?? You know, because you're special to me and that's just because it's you? I never questioned why I did some of the things because I just assumed that was perfectly normal!!! [ He adjusts his glasses two more times out of nervousness. ]
I would never just "go along" with something like this, since you know how I generally think this type of thing is silly and illogical, and if I wasn't feeling something, then I would definitely tell you. [ He pauses, still rambling. Rip Nagisa having to listen to all this. ]
When you automatically assumed that I was going to reject you also made me upset, because you had clearly been hurt before--a-and I'm really bad at these kind of things so I don't even know what to say!!! I didn't know how to tell you, and I wasn't planning to tell you because---I mean--we're both guys?? I didn't think you...you know??? I didn't think I did either!!!!
[ Rei, shut up. ]
But it's weird and confusing but--after talking to Makoto-senpai, maybe I've always felt this way about you??? I don't know how long but?? For a while, I guess.
[ his eyes bug out of his head a little—he TOLD MAKOTO???? great, now they both know... the teasing will never cease, will it. he briefly considers mentioning that he told Rin, in turn, but it'll certainly make him seem cool, like he is so much more with it than he is if he just passes it off as already totally knowing what he's doing, right?? not that... he'd lie if it came up. it's just. not going to come up. that's all.
he sways himself back and forth on the swing, feet planted firmly on the ground, staring off into the park where he's already had so many good times. it's complicated, that feeling of automatically assuming that Rei would turn him down. he hasn't ever really been turned down by anybody for anything in particular, but he also has it on good authority that he's never been anyone's first choice for anything in particular, either. he thinks so much more highly of Rei than he does of himself, it would only make sense that he could do so much better and find somebody better suited to him. somebody who likes math, who doesn't skip school and actually cares about their future, someone with ambition and a plan—he's got none of those things. he's also not so foolish as to underestimate how deeply they care about each other as friends; he knows perfectly well that he's irreplaceable and cared for, but isn't this... going beyond all that, a little bit?
maybe, maybe not. it must not be, if Rei is here now, saying these things, he reasons with himself. after all, to him, nothing between Rin and Makoto has changed. it was only added onto—nothing got taken away. so he and Rei could have something like that, too. maybe. ]
It is perfectly normal. Nothing is really changing, you know? Especially since it's like you said... you always felt that way. I did, too. [ oh boy. here we go. ] I wasn't planning to tell you either, but I'm glad I did. I was too scared before, but I'm not anymore. You always give me that kind of courage, to not run away from what's on the inside. We could've gone on forever not knowing how we felt about each other, and that's really sad, so... it makes me really happy to know how you feel!
[ He did have a point. Rei didn't want anything to change between them, and he assumed that this would be some drastic change between the two. But that's not the case, and he never thought of just adding onto their friendship or anything, which sounded both exciting and...well, maybe a bit scary since this was unknown territory to him.
The more Nagisa went on and said how Rei gave him courage, his face lit up a bit pink, so he adjusted his glasses to try and hide it. That made him feel really happy that Nagisa thought so highly of him, since he really wasn't sure if any others looked at him in the same way the other did--of course, now he was sure about that, but before he was thinking more along the lines of respect and thinking he was great or something like that.
But, he had to answer him now, and that was always the hard part. He either said too much or not enough when he was nervous, and half the time it was just him rambling about absolutely nothing to do with anything that Nagisa said before. Just be honest...that's not so hard, right? ]
I feel happy too, but also nervous and unsure since I still don't understand it myself. But, I really did give you the courage? You're not scared anymore--? [ He didn't know what he did, but thank goodness Nagisa wasn't scared, because Rei still is since he doesn't know where to go from here. ]
Not knowing these feelings might have done something to our friendship as well, something negative might I add, so I am also relieved to get this off my chest, I suppose. [ He glances over to see Nagisa looking at him, and quickly adjusts his glasses for the millionth time to hide his nervousness. ]
I don't want anything to change between us, Nagisa-kun, but since we were both honest about this, what does that mean? Do we go somewhere from here? Add an edition to our relationship already?
[ nodding, feeling so much more heartened than he had when they met up. it's nice to understand by talking it over how much on the same page they are (as usual, tbh), that Rei doesn't really understand any more than he does himself, that he feels the same way, that he had the same fears, that he wants the same things. that sounds like sensible solid ground for starting a relationship to him, and it helps that he's crazy about the guy and never gets tired of seeing him fumble with those nerdy nerd glasses of his. he actually feels like laughing and... does a little, only partially out of nerves. ]
Well, since I said I liked you, and you said you liked me, I think the next logical step is to go out. [ DID THAT COUNT AS ASKING???? WAS THAT SUPER SUAVE OR IS HE NOT GOING TO GET IT??????????????????????? ] ... like, officially.
[ Rei couldn't help but smile again when he heard the other laughing lightly, since it weirdly calmed him down and reassured him that everything wasn't going poorly like he had feared in the beginning.
Of course, he knew what he meant when he spoke up, which made his heart stop a little, but going out...that meant like...they wouldn't be just friends anymore...and stuff. He had to make sure that Nagisa knew what this meant, even though it was clear. He was sure to ramble about this, of course. ]
That would be the most logical step, but are you sure Nagisa-kun? Is that what you want--I mean--I would like that...I think?! [ He's babbling again. ]
But, going steady means a huge step in a relationship, right? [ How old is this kid--he's an 80 year old man in disguise. ]
Going steady--that means you want to...with me...? That means...you want to hold hands...and [ He can't say it. He literally can't say 'kiss' since his face turned bright red at the thought. ] ...stuff. Is that...are you sure??!! If you're not sure, that's okay I mean, we can wait!! I don't mind? I'm just...a bit nervous, Nagisa-kun. [ nervously adjusting of glasses again. ]
B-But I mean, I think you're cute and endearing and if I was going to be this way with anyone, it would be you!!! Ack--that was weird!!! I'm sorry!! Just--uh...forget I said anything!!! [ He's going to die right here, he's sure of it. ]
How do we...do that though? Go steady, that is? Is there some sort of asking ceremony that needs to be preformed? [ Rei, he literally just asked you out, but okay. ]
[ GOD, LORD, JESUS MARY AND THAT OTHER GUY, SAVE MY SOUL THIS BOY IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LAME AND CUTE, FUCK. he starts out giggling but then has to just press his hands to his face as if that will somehow hide the way he goes from pretty much fine to beet red in a hot second. is he holding his face and blushing and looking shocked because Rei is talking about "stuff"??? is it because he called him cute??????? is it because HE is cute and bumbling about how nervous he is and generally being a precious 80 year old man?????????? is it because he has no idea how dating works????????????????????????????!?!?!?! he doesn't even know anymore. his head is going to explode from all of these things, and possibly more. someone please speed him unto valhalla, release his earthly spirit into the heavens before he keels over and dies. ]
Wooooooowwww, Rei-chan, okay, umm, slow down!! You can't talk about really super scandalous stuff like holding hands before we're even Facebook official!!!!!!!! [ that might have been a joke but also hand holding is a really big deal?? excuse me ] There's no ceremony, all I have to do is ask you and then you say yes! ...or you can ask me if you want to!!! But I [ HAVE DONE THIS BEFORE, ABOUT 5 TIMES ] think I have it handled!!!!! M-Maybe!!!
[ Rei's unsure why he's laughing like this, but he can't help but laugh too since Nagisa is too cute and covering his face like this. He listens to him and then turns a bright red since he told him to slow down!! Is holding hands really scandalous?!?!?!? But they have before!!!! He was literally thinking about researching this before he ever thought to hold Nagisa's hand ever again since he's taking this very seriously.
Also what in the world is Facebook official????? There wasn't a ceremony, which was good, since if it was him who was supposed to ask him out like this, Rei would have prepared probably an entire essay and recited it while reading off the paper in front of Nagisa, which would be lame. ]
I didn't know that was scandalous!!! We did that before--but never mind that!!! [ He had to ask, okay. ]
That's the way to go steady? That sounds simple enough, but you can do the honors, since I would prefer time to prepare a speech, although I could try to improvise if you would rather. [ He sounds so serious, and he is. If he's the one asking Nagisa out, he'll ramble for a bit, but maybe Nagisa wants to hear that--at least he's okay with whichever. ]
[ he does want to hear that tbqh but being asked out has been a wild experience the whole two times he's had it happen and he actually prefers to have the upper hand here, alright. at least then he isn't completely drowning in a sea of rare embarrassment, shock, and delight. does he really want to look that stupid in front of Rei after all this talk???? really????????????
kinda ]
Y-You can just give an acceptance speech afterward! Now gimme your hands!!!
[ STANDING UP, with pridely purpose. he steps in front of Rei's swing and reaches out for both of his hands, giving them a tug so he can stand up. temporarily he regrets this because it means he has to look up, but he'll be doing a lot of that from now until forever anyway, so what's the use. and besides, he's grown nearly half a foot—it's not as much to look up as it used to be. ]
Acceptance speech? Am I getting an award??? [ Yes, and your prize is Nagisa.
He knows how Nagisa is, though, and knows how he usually likes to have the upper hand in almost everything, which Rei doesn't mind at all--he's used to it. He is thankful that Nagisa seems to be the one to want to take charge though, because if he did without a prepared speech, he might just pass out for real. ]
My hands? Alright.
[ Rei awkwardly stands up, giving him his hands, even though Nagisa just said holding hands was scandalous, but oh well. Though, when he does stand up to join the other, he can't help but smile a little. But really, what was this? This was definitely a ceremony. He's not sure where to look, so his gaze wavers between absolutely nothing and Nagisa every few seconds. ]
U-Uh...like this...? [ Is he really going to have to make an acceptance speech for some award? Rei's still worried about that, honestly. ]
[ welp. this sure is them holding hands as per fucking usual, except he's now sweaty as hell and also clammy at the same time because it's cold and the middle of the night and he was stupid enough to wear shorts. he has to take a second to look up, not because he's being dramatic (rly) but because he didn't really think about what he was going to say. he just sort of rushed into it, like he does most things. but he's not all that worried because here he is with Rei ready to steady him and stop him from running blindly into traffic in the middle of the night. as per fucking usual.
metaphorically.
anyway, he takes a deep breath and looks up, all sunshine and smiles because he doesn't want to look like he's wigging out when he's Popping Da Question. wait for it... wait for it........ there's going to be so many romantic words, possibly a ballad......... ]
Rei-chan...
[ HERE WE GO... SMOKE EM IF YOU GOT EM WE'LL BE HERE AWHILE ]
[ The tension was killing him, especially since he's expecting some big speech or something weird that will make him tense up and be nervous all over again. Though, the fact that Nagisa just looks so happy right now makes his nerves flare up.
This...is really happening... If Nagisa didn't say something soon, he would definitely have to ask if everything was okay or something, even if it hadn't been but a few seconds. Rei thought that time was going too slowly for his liking, and he wished that he would at least start the speech already. Okay....he said his name, that was good. Okay. Here...it goes.
That....was not what he was expecting. Then again what was he expecting? A chorus to enter and actually sing as well as fireworks in the sky and some giant speech about how they like each other? Rei can't help but be glad that it was simple, so he laughs lightly out of pure relief and happiness, of course nodding. ]
any composure Nagisa might have had is gone in eight words or less, though, because Rei barely gets to finish acquiescing before Nagisa is letting out an earsplitting but blessedly short scream of unbridled delight and throwing his arms around him.
like really... why scream... what were you expecting? "HAH PSYCHE! NAH"??? ...probably a little. for a second. maybe. ]
UWAAAAAAAAAH—!!!!!! I'M SO HAPPY, REI-CHAN!!!!!!!!!!!
Rei hears him scream and can't help but scream as an automatic response, of course taken aback when Nagisa throws his arms around him, he doesn't complain. He just laughs and puts his arms around him too, even though Nagisa is basically screaming in his ears right now, rip Rei's hearing.
But again, he doesn't care since Nagisa is happy...he's...really happy. Happier than he's seen him in a while that he might have teared up a little just from being so happy that he gets to see the other like this. Not to mention he was the one who got to make Nagisa this happen, and that's...all he ever wanted, really. ]
Me too!! [ He gives Nagisa a slight squeeze while hugging him, laughing happily. ]
I feel really relieved, and very happy!!! Most of all, you're happy!! [ He can't stop smiling wtf. ]
[ ribs will break from the sheer gale force of this hug if Nagisa doesn't let up soon, he may or may not actually be trying to crush Rei literally instead of just romantically GET IT BECAUSE A CRUSH, ok, i delivered that joke poorly and i'm sorry but i don't feel like backspacing.
anyway, he's nice enough not to compromise Rei's fantastic waistline and burst his internal organs and loosens his grip a little so he can look up at him again, shaking his head back and forth like he just can't believe it. he probably can't; in a few minutes he'll twitch his leg in his sleep and wake up from this impossibly saccharine wet dream and the world will be dull and full of teen angst again as usual, surely.
but he ain't awake yet so why not enjoy it ]
I've never been so happy in my life! Not even swimming at regionals was this good! Not even getting my own real life penguin was this good!!! [ does he still have that penguin in his shed or like... what. ] And that's all because of you, Rei-chan.
[ ready to have your life ruined? because he goes up on tiptoe, balancing on one leg because the other is kicked back behind him like a princess, and Rei gets a chu on the cheek. ]
You can give an acceptance speech if you want, now.
[ He knows that Nagisa is hugging him a bit too tightly, but at least he decided to loosen his grip or Rei would have had to say something since he liked to keep his ribs in check. He noticed the other shaking his head and laughed a little, thinking that this did seem like a dream, almost too good to be true--it..wouldn't be the first time Rei's had a dream like this, even though he would never let that be known. ]
What?! Not even regionals--and winning with everyone!? [ He's talking about the match from season one, obviously. ] Not even with that penguin--w-what?!?!
[ He freezes when Nagisa says it's all because of him. What? It...was...wasn't it? He could say the same about him, though... Rei's pretty sure he's not been this happy and scared at the same time since he's still over-thinking it, but each time Nagisa says just how happy he is makes his worries go away. He's certain that this is the right step in the right direction.
[ What WHAT WAS THAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? DID HE JUST KISS HIS CHEEK?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If Rei's face wasn't red enough already, that sure did the trick. He froze, standing there with his mouth open for a good few moments, maybe even a whole 30 seconds or a minute.
He didn't know how to process that. Was that okay to do?! Yes, Nagisa did that to him so it wasn't anything bad! What....Why?!?! This was??? Rei.exe has stopped working. ]
[ Rei's only able to process that cheek kiss just barely, since he felt weird enough that he liked it...and wouldn't mind if Nagisa did that again, even though he might be just as surprised as the first one. But, at least he comes back to earth when Nagisa mentions his acceptance speech. Oh god, how was he ever going to think of something after that?!?! Deep breaths, Ryugazaki, you can do this. You can speak up and give a fantastic speech. ]
Y-YOU!!!! YOU KISSED ME?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[ Amazing. Perfect. That wasn't even a mouth to mouth kiss, and he's already freaking out over it. ]
I-I MEAN, NOT THAT IT'S A BAD THING?? I JUST WASN'T EXPECTING IT!!! [ He tried to calm himself down by adjusting his glasses---but he can't. He's still hugging Nagisa. RIP the glasses nerd cannot adjust his glasses. ] We're...going steady so you can whenever you want!!! I just!!! Surprised me!!!!!!!!!
[ Is he ever going to get over this and give an acceptance speech. Maybe in a few minutes. ]
Re: 2/2 gay
and then he was on time out and didn't get dessert for a whole week, but still. ]
It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't text you back—I got your messages—I just wanted to think first before I said anything.
[ anything horrendously stupid, that is. he decides to bypass telling him about his pow-wow with Rin, because they have a bad bitchez code of silence and also because this came directly after "DON'T TELL ANYONE," anyway. he also leaves the part out where he's supposed to report back with good news. ]
Um, so... d'you want to maybe sit down? We kinda have a lot to talk about.
[ gesturing toward the swing next to him. no not the one with the baby chair on it. ]
not the one with the baby chair on it
What matters is that you did message me back, so don't worry, Nagisa-kun! It's totally understandable since I needed to think some more as well.
[ He smiled at him, honestly not suspecting that Nagisa had talked to Rin, and he would probably bring up that he went to talk to Makoto since he would definitely classify it as "needing advice about something he had no information about and needed to learn more about apparently."
He sat down in the swing next to him, nodding, even though the nerves were getting the best of him. Rei didn't know where to start! He should have prepared notes for this--though Makoto was right, he just needed to be honest with Nagisa....but notes would have made him feel better, definitely. He was very clueless on this subject, after all, and still wasn't sure how to properly explain his feelings anyway. ]
Indeed we do, but firstly I would like to apologize if I said anything strange that made you feel uncomfortable. I did send quite a few messages since I was worried about you not replying, thinking I must have upset you.
despite him being a gay baby
[ maybe he really is growing up Matsuoka—he feels better not having to look directly at Rei while he talks through his thoughts, jumbled and senseless as they are. he'll get around to deep and unbroken eye contact when the moment is right for it, but his head is still buzzing with all kinds of things, how is he supposed to focus? being honest has always been exciting, because you're showing someone something inside of you without holding back at all—if he could ever describe what "free!" means to him, that would probably be a close contender. but then there's doubt and worry and insecurity, all those things that make the humming of happy nerves become jarring. ]
You really meant that, right? What you said—because I-I mean, if you were only saying that because I said too much and you didn't want me to feel weird, I'll understand!
says the other gay baby
[ It's surprising that Nagisa doesn't want to joke about anything though, which shows Rei just how serious this conversation is, and he's not sure if that makes him happy or scared--probably both. He did also find it a bit hard to look over at Nagisa given the angle, but he still glanced over very often to make sure he still looked alright and happy for the most part, even if the look on his face was pretty serious, as long as it wasn't showing sadness, it was alright.
Oh gosh...he of course asked him if he meant what he said. Of course he did!!! But that was so embarrassing to admit, but he had to be honest with him. Rei had to take in a deep breath while he slowly nodded, looking so flustered and confused. ]
No, I--did mean that. I know it must be weird to you, but I am certain I meant that, since I did have to analyze my thoughts since they were quite a mess. Even now, there's a lot that I don't know. But--you really meant what you said too, right?!
cries and sits on the gay baby swing
he opens his mouth to either speak or take a deep breath but does neither, letting Rei finish and then quickly staring back down at the skid marks he'd left in the dirt beneath him again. involuntarily, he lets out a few soft, awkward giggles. that's how you know he's really nervous. he always fucking laughs when he's nervous. ]
Wow... okay. Ummm... well, yeah, I meant what I said, too. —H-Haha, it's so crazy we're even talking about this!!! The last time something like this happened, I felt so stupid and confused. I guess I'm still pretty confused, but... not about that. I really, really feel that way, and maybe I never would have said anything if it weren't for those roses, so maybe they weren't such a bad thing after all! At least I hope not!!! Hehehe...
[ OK SERIOUSLY STOP, god he hates that nervous giggle tic of his. kicking the dirt and sneaking a peek at Rei again to make sure he isn't shaking his head in disgust at how lame he is........... ]
gay baby swings together
He listened to him as he went on, and he knew his heart beat was speeding up due to nerves since Nagisa confirmed, again, that he wasn't joking and really did feel that way. Okay. Okay....what was he supposed to say to all that? He adjusted his glasses entirely too many times to cover up the fact that he was blushing a bit and too nervous to function properly or even think properly. Okay, start...with discussing the roses...how he felt then. That's a start. ]
Wait--the last time something like this happened--? [ That wasn't what he was supposed to say. But he couldn't help but be curious. ]
I-I mean, alright. The roses seemed to have a weird effect on everyone. I still haven't figured out what each meant, but I am certain about one thing. I received another rose of the same color that you gave me from someone else. [ He adjusted his glasses like three times before speaking again. ]
While I had strange feelings for that person as well during this time period, they don't remain, and it wasn't quite the same. I'm...not sure if you asked me to the dance because of these weird roses, but at the dance I....[ He had to look away, he was too sweaty and clammy for this. ]
I thought that my thoughts were very clear during that time. It was like--everything I had pushed away before was becoming clear and I was certain about everything! But now that it wore off, I became confused. They're still there, but they're...harder to ignore, Nagisa-kun. I know that sounds strange, but I do hope I am making sense. I could try to find a formula for this if it would help.
[ No one wants a formula, Rei. ]
Re: gay baby swings together
I had the same thing happen to me, too. But I know what that was, when I was feeling that way about somebody because of the flowers, and I know what we—um, well, that is to say, I—e-eh, well I guess you too?—anyway, the point is, there's no formula needed because I already get the... theory.
[ lol... laughs this time and not just because he's nervous as all get out, too. it's short lived, though, with his next thought. ]
I was honestly afraid that maybe you... were just feeling confused because of the roses, you know? Like maybe you, um—this is going to sound bad—just thought since you felt that way before, and then because of what I said, that you were just going along with it? [ "settling" is the word he used with Rin, but even though he's the one who said it, it stung badly to hear it put that way. too often he feels as though people have to "settle" with him in some way or another, such as he is, and in this context that's just... too painful. so he puts it a little more delicately this time around. ] But it's not so hard to believe that you're the same as I am.
[ ... ]
That I liked you before all that, and just... do even more now, I mean.
Re: gay baby swings together
Ah, it was one of the flower things too, I see! It was very strange--wait you get the theory?
[ Please explain it to him. ]
I-I mean--go ahead and continue...
[ He smiled again when he heard the other laugh, glad that this conversation seems to be going well so far, even if he's full of nerves and not sure what to say about anything. Rei's not even sure he understands himself, but as Nagisa continued, he frowned and looked over at him. Did he really think that he would just go along with something like this?! Knowing Rei, he would've probably actually laughed before just 'going along' with this since this seemed very serious to Nagisa at first, and now it's serious to him. ]
The roses did confuse me greatly, yes, but before contacting you after such events, I had to do a lot of thinking for myself. When I went to buy your Valentine's gifts, I also had been thinking a lot during that time. [ He's not sure where he's going with this at all, so he just keeps rambling. ]
I went to Makoto-senpai for advice, because I've never had a crush before, so I never understood any of this, and any time I would feel anything I would just--brush it off?? You know, because you're special to me and that's just because it's you? I never questioned why I did some of the things because I just assumed that was perfectly normal!!! [ He adjusts his glasses two more times out of nervousness. ]
I would never just "go along" with something like this, since you know how I generally think this type of thing is silly and illogical, and if I wasn't feeling something, then I would definitely tell you. [ He pauses, still rambling. Rip Nagisa having to listen to all this. ]
When you automatically assumed that I was going to reject you also made me upset, because you had clearly been hurt before--a-and I'm really bad at these kind of things so I don't even know what to say!!! I didn't know how to tell you, and I wasn't planning to tell you because---I mean--we're both guys?? I didn't think you...you know??? I didn't think I did either!!!!
[ Rei, shut up. ]
But it's weird and confusing but--after talking to Makoto-senpai, maybe I've always felt this way about you??? I don't know how long but?? For a while, I guess.
Re: gay baby swings together
he sways himself back and forth on the swing, feet planted firmly on the ground, staring off into the park where he's already had so many good times. it's complicated, that feeling of automatically assuming that Rei would turn him down. he hasn't ever really been turned down by anybody for anything in particular, but he also has it on good authority that he's never been anyone's first choice for anything in particular, either. he thinks so much more highly of Rei than he does of himself, it would only make sense that he could do so much better and find somebody better suited to him. somebody who likes math, who doesn't skip school and actually cares about their future, someone with ambition and a plan—he's got none of those things. he's also not so foolish as to underestimate how deeply they care about each other as friends; he knows perfectly well that he's irreplaceable and cared for, but isn't this... going beyond all that, a little bit?
maybe, maybe not. it must not be, if Rei is here now, saying these things, he reasons with himself. after all, to him, nothing between Rin and Makoto has changed. it was only added onto—nothing got taken away. so he and Rei could have something like that, too. maybe. ]
It is perfectly normal. Nothing is really changing, you know? Especially since it's like you said... you always felt that way. I did, too. [ oh boy. here we go. ] I wasn't planning to tell you either, but I'm glad I did. I was too scared before, but I'm not anymore. You always give me that kind of courage, to not run away from what's on the inside. We could've gone on forever not knowing how we felt about each other, and that's really sad, so... it makes me really happy to know how you feel!
[ glanc...ing... over ]
You feel happy too, right?
Re: gay baby swings together
The more Nagisa went on and said how Rei gave him courage, his face lit up a bit pink, so he adjusted his glasses to try and hide it. That made him feel really happy that Nagisa thought so highly of him, since he really wasn't sure if any others looked at him in the same way the other did--of course, now he was sure about that, but before he was thinking more along the lines of respect and thinking he was great or something like that.
But, he had to answer him now, and that was always the hard part. He either said too much or not enough when he was nervous, and half the time it was just him rambling about absolutely nothing to do with anything that Nagisa said before. Just be honest...that's not so hard, right? ]
I feel happy too, but also nervous and unsure since I still don't understand it myself. But, I really did give you the courage? You're not scared anymore--? [ He didn't know what he did, but thank goodness Nagisa wasn't scared, because Rei still is since he doesn't know where to go from here. ]
Not knowing these feelings might have done something to our friendship as well, something negative might I add, so I am also relieved to get this off my chest, I suppose. [ He glances over to see Nagisa looking at him, and quickly adjusts his glasses for the millionth time to hide his nervousness. ]
I don't want anything to change between us, Nagisa-kun, but since we were both honest about this, what does that mean? Do we go somewhere from here? Add an edition to our relationship already?
Re: gay baby swings together
Well, since I said I liked you, and you said you liked me, I think the next logical step is to go out. [ DID THAT COUNT AS ASKING???? WAS THAT SUPER SUAVE OR IS HE NOT GOING TO GET IT??????????????????????? ] ... like, officially.
[ A+ clarification ]
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Of course, he knew what he meant when he spoke up, which made his heart stop a little, but going out...that meant like...they wouldn't be just friends anymore...and stuff. He had to make sure that Nagisa knew what this meant, even though it was clear. He was sure to ramble about this, of course. ]
That would be the most logical step, but are you sure Nagisa-kun? Is that what you want--I mean--I would like that...I think?! [ He's babbling again. ]
But, going steady means a huge step in a relationship, right? [ How old is this kid--he's an 80 year old man in disguise. ]
Going steady--that means you want to...with me...? That means...you want to hold hands...and [ He can't say it. He literally can't say 'kiss' since his face turned bright red at the thought. ] ...stuff. Is that...are you sure??!! If you're not sure, that's okay I mean, we can wait!! I don't mind? I'm just...a bit nervous, Nagisa-kun. [ nervously adjusting of glasses again. ]
B-But I mean, I think you're cute and endearing and if I was going to be this way with anyone, it would be you!!! Ack--that was weird!!! I'm sorry!! Just--uh...forget I said anything!!! [ He's going to die right here, he's sure of it. ]
How do we...do that though? Go steady, that is? Is there some sort of asking ceremony that needs to be preformed? [ Rei, he literally just asked you out, but okay. ]
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Wooooooowwww, Rei-chan, okay, umm, slow down!! You can't talk about really super scandalous stuff like holding hands before we're even Facebook official!!!!!!!! [ that might have been a joke but also hand holding is a really big deal?? excuse me ] There's no ceremony, all I have to do is ask you and then you say yes! ...or you can ask me if you want to!!! But I [ HAVE DONE THIS BEFORE, ABOUT 5 TIMES ] think I have it handled!!!!! M-Maybe!!!
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Also what in the world is Facebook official????? There wasn't a ceremony, which was good, since if it was him who was supposed to ask him out like this, Rei would have prepared probably an entire essay and recited it while reading off the paper in front of Nagisa, which would be lame. ]
I didn't know that was scandalous!!! We did that before--but never mind that!!! [ He had to ask, okay. ]
That's the way to go steady? That sounds simple enough, but you can do the honors, since I would prefer time to prepare a speech, although I could try to improvise if you would rather. [ He sounds so serious, and he is. If he's the one asking Nagisa out, he'll ramble for a bit, but maybe Nagisa wants to hear that--at least he's okay with whichever. ]
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[ he does want to hear that tbqh but being asked out has been a wild experience the whole two times he's had it happen and he actually prefers to have the upper hand here, alright. at least then he isn't completely drowning in a sea of rare embarrassment, shock, and delight. does he really want to look that stupid in front of Rei after all this talk???? really????????????
kinda ]
Y-You can just give an acceptance speech afterward! Now gimme your hands!!!
[ STANDING UP, with pridely purpose. he steps in front of Rei's swing and reaches out for both of his hands, giving them a tug so he can stand up. temporarily he regrets this because it means he has to look up, but he'll be doing a lot of that from now until forever anyway, so what's the use. and besides, he's grown nearly half a foot—it's not as much to look up as it used to be. ]
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He knows how Nagisa is, though, and knows how he usually likes to have the upper hand in almost everything, which Rei doesn't mind at all--he's used to it. He is thankful that Nagisa seems to be the one to want to take charge though, because if he did without a prepared speech, he might just pass out for real. ]
My hands? Alright.
[ Rei awkwardly stands up, giving him his hands, even though Nagisa just said holding hands was scandalous, but oh well. Though, when he does stand up to join the other, he can't help but smile a little. But really, what was this? This was definitely a ceremony. He's not sure where to look, so his gaze wavers between absolutely nothing and Nagisa every few seconds. ]
U-Uh...like this...? [ Is he really going to have to make an acceptance speech for some award? Rei's still worried about that, honestly. ]
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[ welp. this sure is them holding hands as per fucking usual, except he's now sweaty as hell and also clammy at the same time because it's cold and the middle of the night and he was stupid enough to wear shorts. he has to take a second to look up, not because he's being dramatic (rly) but because he didn't really think about what he was going to say. he just sort of rushed into it, like he does most things. but he's not all that worried because here he is with Rei ready to steady him and stop him from running blindly into traffic in the middle of the night. as per fucking usual.
metaphorically.
anyway, he takes a deep breath and looks up, all sunshine and smiles because he doesn't want to look like he's wigging out when he's Popping Da Question. wait for it... wait for it........ there's going to be so many romantic words, possibly a ballad......... ]
Rei-chan...
[ HERE WE GO... SMOKE EM IF YOU GOT EM WE'LL BE HERE AWHILE ]
#homoexplosion
... will you go out with me?
[ amazing. ]
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This...is really happening... If Nagisa didn't say something soon, he would definitely have to ask if everything was okay or something, even if it hadn't been but a few seconds. Rei thought that time was going too slowly for his liking, and he wished that he would at least start the speech already. Okay....he said his name, that was good. Okay. Here...it goes.
That....was not what he was expecting. Then again what was he expecting? A chorus to enter and actually sing as well as fireworks in the sky and some giant speech about how they like each other? Rei can't help but be glad that it was simple, so he laughs lightly out of pure relief and happiness, of course nodding. ]
I would enjoy going steady with you, Nagisa-kun.
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any composure Nagisa might have had is gone in eight words or less, though, because Rei barely gets to finish acquiescing before Nagisa is letting out an earsplitting but blessedly short scream of unbridled delight and throwing his arms around him.
like really... why scream... what were you expecting? "HAH PSYCHE! NAH"??? ...probably a little. for a second. maybe. ]
UWAAAAAAAAAH—!!!!!! I'M SO HAPPY, REI-CHAN!!!!!!!!!!!
Re: #homoexplosion
Rei hears him scream and can't help but scream as an automatic response, of course taken aback when Nagisa throws his arms around him, he doesn't complain. He just laughs and puts his arms around him too, even though Nagisa is basically screaming in his ears right now, rip Rei's hearing.
But again, he doesn't care since Nagisa is happy...he's...really happy. Happier than he's seen him in a while that he might have teared up a little just from being so happy that he gets to see the other like this. Not to mention he was the one who got to make Nagisa this happen, and that's...all he ever wanted, really. ]
Me too!! [ He gives Nagisa a slight squeeze while hugging him, laughing happily. ]
I feel really relieved, and very happy!!! Most of all, you're happy!! [ He can't stop smiling wtf. ]
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anyway, he's nice enough not to compromise Rei's fantastic waistline and burst his internal organs and loosens his grip a little so he can look up at him again, shaking his head back and forth like he just can't believe it. he probably can't; in a few minutes he'll twitch his leg in his sleep and wake up from this impossibly saccharine wet dream and the world will be dull and full of teen angst again as usual, surely.
but he ain't awake yet so why not enjoy it ]
I've never been so happy in my life! Not even swimming at regionals was this good! Not even getting my own real life penguin was this good!!! [ does he still have that penguin in his shed or like... what. ] And that's all because of you, Rei-chan.
[ ready to have your life ruined? because he goes up on tiptoe, balancing on one leg because the other is kicked back behind him like a princess, and Rei gets a chu on the cheek. ]
You can give an acceptance speech if you want, now.
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What?! Not even regionals--and winning with everyone!? [ He's talking about the match from season one, obviously. ] Not even with that penguin--w-what?!?!
[ He freezes when Nagisa says it's all because of him. What? It...was...wasn't it? He could say the same about him, though... Rei's pretty sure he's not been this happy and scared at the same time since he's still over-thinking it, but each time Nagisa says just how happy he is makes his worries go away. He's certain that this is the right step in the right direction.
Wait what was Nagisa doing--- ]
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WHAT WAS THAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
DID HE JUST KISS HIS CHEEK?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If Rei's face wasn't red enough already, that sure did the trick. He froze, standing there with his mouth open for a good few moments, maybe even a whole 30 seconds or a minute.
He didn't know how to process that. Was that okay to do?! Yes, Nagisa did that to him so it wasn't anything bad! What....Why?!?! This was??? Rei.exe has stopped working. ]
a boy kissed him and he liked it
Y-YOU!!!! YOU KISSED ME?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[ Amazing. Perfect. That wasn't even a mouth to mouth kiss, and he's already freaking out over it. ]
I-I MEAN, NOT THAT IT'S A BAD THING?? I JUST WASN'T EXPECTING IT!!! [ He tried to calm himself down by adjusting his glasses---but he can't. He's still hugging Nagisa. RIP the glasses nerd cannot adjust his glasses. ] We're...going steady so you can whenever you want!!! I just!!! Surprised me!!!!!!!!!
[ Is he ever going to get over this and give an acceptance speech. Maybe in a few minutes. ]
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you go Rei Coco
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drive by tag
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