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WHY DO YOU KEEP JUST SAYING "WHAT"??????????? DID I SAY SOMETHING WRONG???
I WORDED IT WRONGLY DIDN'T I!!!!!!!!!!!

NO IM
JUST SURPRISEd i guess i need a minute

I ONLY TOLD YOU BECAUSE YOU SAID SOMETHGIN FIREST!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU CANT TELL ANYONE OR LAUGH ABOTU IT!!!!!!!

[ and then Nagisa went away to specifically go and tell someone. he did say he needed a minute. ]

NAGISA-KUN???

_{[ A few minutes pass, and he starts to get worried. He really regrets even saying something--and now Nagisa is weirded out and what would even become of their friendship?!?!?!

This is exactly what he didn't want to happen. Rei thought that if he said anything about his thoughts that he was unsure about that it would make their friendship awkward, and now Nagisa isn't replying to him. He had to say something, since at the very least he wanted his best friend to return!! Hence, the incoming spam. ]}

Please don't be freaked out. I really shouldn't have said anything! Are you alright?

I do hope you will read these, but I suppose I should explain myself.
The only reason I even said anything was because you seemed very serious about having a crush on me????

I'm not even sure of my own feelings, Nagisa-kun, and really I shouldn't have said anything but I can't help but be honest with you!!! You are my best friend and thast

I hit the send button early, sorry.
Anyways, that's why I would never want to compromise our friendship, so could you forget I said anything?
It's weird, but since you seemed so serious about this, I thought I owed it to you as a friend to be honest with you as well.

I don't understand my feelings yet, since I am certain that I care for you, but as I've said plenty of times before that things like this to me are very illogical.
That's also why I didn't turn you down, because I need more time to think, if that's okay?

I MEAN IF YOU WANT TO JUST TELL ME IT'S WEIRD AND TO FORGET ABOUT IT, THAT'S OKAY TOO???

But I do take your feelings into consideration and would never want to make you upset or uncomfortable, nor would I write them off as 'a joke' which again, sorry about that before.

I'LL TAKE EVERYTHING INTO CONSIDERATION VERY SERIOUSLY!!!! I'LL DO RESEARCH TO MAKE SURE THAT THIS IS POSSIBLE, AND NOT JUST....WEIRD???
This is weird isn't it?
I should have not messaged you so much about this.
But again, I'm unsure about a lot of things, so I guess just let me know what I could do to make you happy and make sure things go back to normal.

[ "I need a minute" turns into "I need 6 or 7 hours" because he doesn't ever respond or make any attempt at contacting Rei until the middle of the night. it's not that late, only ten PM or so, but late enough that kids with school in the morning should be considering bedtime soonish. all Nagisa feels like considering is the horrifying possibility of Rei never speaking to him again, not being his friend, even if the possibility that that could ever happen is so small. it's still enough to scare him. and they're going to see each other at school sooner or later anyway—he wants this dealt with before then.

before this has a chance to sour between them and make it awkward and unhappy. ]

meet me on the swings at the park

[ he's already there, tense and a little cold, trying to see how high he can swing before he just blasts off into the stratosphere. ]

_{[ It's Rei's bedtime because he definitely goes to bed every night at the same time unless Nagisa is staying over since the other always insists they stay up late despite his protests. He's already in his pajamas and laying in bed, thinking that Nagisa must have fallen asleep by now or didn't want to talk to him, but regardless, he's looking at his phone, hoping for a message from him.

He's afraid that Nagisa was going to avoid him after this, and the thought of not being at least friends with him really scared him. Maybe he shouldn't have sent all those texts, or even confronted him about it until he had completely figured it out. Though, knowing Rei, even if he totally figured it out and knew his exact feelings, he probably wouldn't even do anything about it.

He couldn't sleep, for once, still staring at his phone, tempted to message Nagisa again, but then his screen lit up. Rei almost jumped out of bed out of surprise, especially when he saw that it was Nagisa. He quickly typed out a reply before even reading whatever he had said. ]}

NAGISA-KUN YOU'RE OKAY!!!

_{[ He was so relieved, but realized he needed to actually read and respond to what the other had said. ]}

Right now? Alright, allow me to change and I'll be on my way.

_{[ He was already changing when he typed that out. Rei just put on some casual clothes, that probably looked halfway normal for him and not as flashy as his typical attire. He just needed to get to the park fast, not even bothering tucking his shirt in or combing out his hair. He yelled to Aikuro and Mikoto where he was going and he was out the door within a few minutes, a new record time for Rei Ryugazaki.

While he was on his way there, the nerves set in finally. He hadn't even worried for a minute there since he was just so relieved to hear from his friend that he didn't even think about what the reason being called here was. They were going to talk things out...and be honest. Oh boy. The thought alone made Rei's stomach tighten and his heart rate speed up since he wasn't even sure what the other had to say to him--was he going to just tell him that he didn't want to pursue anything?! Even after that long talk with Makoto that made Rei realize that he felt something for him?!?! Well...as long as they could remain friends and Nagisa was happy...Rei would be alright.

Nagisa would probably see him running, looking like a mess and out of breath whenever he actually approached the park. ]}

Edited 2015-03-11 02:10 (UTC)

[ he spots Rei from a few feet off thanks to the extra height and promptly puts the brakes on that swing, feet dragging noisily in the dirt and kicking up a cloud of sand underneath him until he finally comes to a stop. he's not dressed any better, really—this had all been sort of last second. he just got up, decided he wasn't going to lose Rei like this, threw on some shorts and a T-shirt and walked to the park. in retrospect he wishes he'd brought his motorbike, but he didn't want anyone to hear him leave.

and even though he's nervous, the texts had made him laugh a little, and seeing Rei come running like his life depends on it looking a hot mess fills him with relief. he isn't mad, that he didn't text back right away. he still cares enough to show up. he's so happy to see him, he can't help smiling when he waves a hand to get his attention (as if the cloud of dust from his emergency swing stoppage didn't, already). ]

Over here, Rei-chan.

_{[ Rei saw him waving and couldn't help but smile, just so glad that he seemed okay for now and was smiling at him. He felt so relieved to be able to see him and hear from him.

He jogged over there closer to him and then put his hands on his knees to catch his breath since he had been running so quickly. ]}

Sorry that took so long, Nagisa-kun. I tried to get her as quickly as possible. _{[ HEAVY BREATHING...He's still out of breath since he didn't pace himself correctly like he usually does when jogging.

Of course, he was in shape so it didn't take long for him to bounce back from that. He didn't know how to start this conversation, and really he wasn't sure if he wanted to just yet since he was still just so relieved to see Nagisa in person that he almost wanted to hug him--but that...would be weird given their current situation. ]}

I was worried about you, but I'm glad to see that you're doing well.

[ he'd like to hug Rei too, but he hesitates, sitting tight on his swing and holding both the chains like if everything goes horribly wrong he can just take off and swing himself into oblivion again. it worked well when he was a child. one time his sister was picking on him at the playground and he took off swinging and kicked her right in the face. fuck you, Nana-chan. jellies are so totally still in, this imprint on your stupid face proves it.

and then he was on time out and didn't get dessert for a whole week, but still. ]

It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't text you back—I got your messages—I just wanted to think first before I said anything.

[ anything horrendously stupid, that is. he decides to bypass telling him about his pow-wow with Rin, because they have a bad bitchez code of silence and also because this came directly after "DON'T TELL ANYONE," anyway. he also leaves the part out where he's supposed to report back with good news. ]

Um, so... d'you want to maybe sit down? We kinda have a lot to talk about.

[ gesturing toward the swing next to him. no not the one with the baby chair on it. ]

Edited 2015-03-11 02:51 (UTC)

_{[ Rei waved his hand, shaking his head, since he didn't mind that Nagisa hadn't text back now since he knew he was fine, and really that's all that mattered to him even though he always worried when his friend didn't text back. ]}

What matters is that you did message me back, so don't worry, Nagisa-kun! It's totally understandable since I needed to think some more as well.

_{[ He smiled at him, honestly not suspecting that Nagisa had talked to Rin, and he would probably bring up that he went to talk to Makoto since he would definitely classify it as "needing advice about something he had no information about and needed to learn more about apparently."

He sat down in the swing next to him, nodding, even though the nerves were getting the best of him. Rei didn't know where to start! He should have prepared notes for this--though Makoto was right, he just needed to be honest with Nagisa....but notes would have made him feel better, definitely. He was very clueless on this subject, after all, and still wasn't sure how to properly explain his feelings anyway. ]}

Indeed we do, but firstly I would like to apologize if I said anything strange that made you feel uncomfortable. I did send quite a few messages since I was worried about you not replying, thinking I must have upset you.

Mm, no, not at all! That's not it at all. If I was freaked out at all, it's only because I was so surprised! I never thought you would say something like that, it completely threw me for a loop... haha. I'd usually laugh that kind of thing off, but I don't really feel like joking about that kind of thing, er, at the moment...

[ maybe he really is growing up Matsuoka—he feels better not having to look directly at Rei while he talks through his thoughts, jumbled and senseless as they are. he'll get around to deep and unbroken eye contact when the moment is right for it, but his head is still buzzing with all kinds of things, how is he supposed to focus? being honest has always been exciting, because you're showing someone something inside of you without holding back at all—if he could ever describe what "free!" means to him, that would probably be a close contender. but then there's doubt and worry and insecurity, all those things that make the humming of happy nerves become jarring. ]

You really meant that, right? What you said—because I-I mean, if you were only saying that because I said too much and you didn't want me to feel weird, I'll understand!

I understand, since I even surprised myself, really.

_{[ It's surprising that Nagisa doesn't want to joke about anything though, which shows Rei just how serious this conversation is, and he's not sure if that makes him happy or scared--probably both. He did also find it a bit hard to look over at Nagisa given the angle, but he still glanced over very often to make sure he still looked alright and happy for the most part, even if the look on his face was pretty serious, as long as it wasn't showing sadness, it was alright.

Oh gosh...he of course asked him if he meant what he said. Of course he did!!! But that was so embarrassing to admit, but he had to be honest with him. Rei had to take in a deep breath while he slowly nodded, looking so flustered and confused. ]}

No, I--did mean that. I know it must be weird to you, but I am certain I meant that, since I did have to analyze my thoughts since they were quite a mess. Even now, there's a lot that I don't know. But--you really meant what you said too, right?!

[ he peeks around the chain to look at Rei then, finally, surprised all over again. I mean what was he really expecting to hear? "na bro, i was just joshing you, i don't play that way. also you're short and dumb, i'm too good for you, don't ever talk to me again, lol bye"????????? ...well, yeah, maybe something to that effect but he knows even with his worries that that's completely ridiculous and Rei would never be that mean, either. he doesn't have a mean bone in his body, unless there's long division involved.

he opens his mouth to either speak or take a deep breath but does neither, letting Rei finish and then quickly staring back down at the skid marks he'd left in the dirt beneath him again. involuntarily, he lets out a few soft, awkward giggles. that's how you know he's really nervous. he always fucking laughs when he's nervous. ]

Wow... okay. Ummm... well, yeah, I meant what I said, too. —H-Haha, it's so crazy we're even talking about this!!! The last time something like this happened, I felt so stupid and confused. I guess I'm still pretty confused, but... not about that. I really, really feel that way, and maybe I never would have said anything if it weren't for those roses, so maybe they weren't such a bad thing after all! At least I hope not!!! Hehehe...

[ OK SERIOUSLY STOP, god he hates that nervous giggle tic of his. kicking the dirt and sneaking a peek at Rei again to make sure he isn't shaking his head in disgust at how lame he is........... ]

_{[ Rei looked over at him the minute he heard him giggle like that, automatically assuming the worst that he was laughing at him, but of course he wasn't. He knew that Nagisa did that when he got nervous, and it was pretty cute, really, so he couldn't help but smile a little, despite him being so nervous that he was sure he could pass out at any moment.

He listened to him as he went on, and he knew his heart beat was speeding up due to nerves since Nagisa confirmed, again, that he wasn't joking and really did feel that way. Okay. Okay....what was he supposed to say to all that? He adjusted his glasses entirely too many times to cover up the fact that he was blushing a bit and too nervous to function properly or even think properly. Okay, start...with discussing the roses...how he felt then. That's a start. ]}

Wait--the last time something like this happened--? _{[ That wasn't what he was supposed to say. But he couldn't help but be curious. ]}

I-I mean, alright. The roses seemed to have a weird effect on everyone. I still haven't figured out what each meant, but I am certain about one thing. I received another rose of the same color that you gave me from someone else. _{[ He adjusted his glasses like three times before speaking again. ]}

While I had strange feelings for that person as well during this time period, they don't remain, and it wasn't quite the same. I'm...not sure if you asked me to the dance because of these weird roses, but at the dance I...._{[ He had to look away, he was too sweaty and clammy for this. ]}

I thought that my thoughts were very clear during that time. It was like--everything I had pushed away before was becoming clear and I was certain about everything! But now that it wore off, I became confused. They're still there, but they're...harder to ignore, Nagisa-kun. I know that sounds strange, but I do hope I am making sense. I could try to find a formula for this if it would help.

_{[ No one wants a formula, Rei. ]}

[ NAH LETS NOT TALK ABOUT THE LAST TIME, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SERIOUS AND ROMANTIC(????) MOMENT. Rei will know all about the shark skeletons in Nagisa's closet... someday. also, nodding his understanding and thankfully not giggling uncontrollably for the time being. even though he is still pretty worked up. ]

I had the same thing happen to me, too. But I know what that was, when I was feeling that way about somebody because of the flowers, and I know what we—um, well, that is to say, I—e-eh, well I guess you too?—anyway, the point is, there's no formula needed because I already get the... theory.

[ lol... laughs this time and not just because he's nervous as all get out, too. it's short lived, though, with his next thought. ]

I was honestly afraid that maybe you... were just feeling confused because of the roses, you know? Like maybe you, um—this is going to sound bad—just thought since you felt that way before, and then because of what I said, that you were just going along with it? [ "settling" is the word he used with Rin, but even though he's the one who said it, it stung badly to hear it put that way. too often he feels as though people have to "settle" with him in some way or another, such as he is, and in this context that's just... too painful. so he puts it a little more delicately this time around. ] But it's not so hard to believe that you're the same as I am.

[ ... ]

That I liked you before all that, and just... do even more now, I mean.

Re: the gayening

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lazy af w icons ok spam: the saga

no subject

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OK ENOUGH, BRIEF INTERMISSION IS OVER

1/2

2/2 gay

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not the one with the baby chair on it

despite him being a gay baby

says the other gay baby

cries and sits on the gay baby swing

gay baby swings together

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